Chapter 1: So... Hey I Lied
I thought I did it! That I lied directly in his face and he bought it, but unfortunately everything changed when he suddenly suggested a goodbye hug. I put on a nonchalant face and I couldn’t say no or it would look suspicious. I hugged him and then it happened, there was something there and secretly we both knew it. we felt it. I thought I was in the clear but little did I know that he would call me the next day. I was so nervous I even forgot he had my number. He asked me why I lied, why I couldn’t trust him enough to tell the truth. But that wasn’t it, it had nothing to do with trust, it was about who belongs where and I don’t belong with him. Little did I realize he was at my door, I need to be more strict with my address. I let him in and he asked me again.
My response was “you have the love of your life and now I have mine”. He was confused and didn’t know what to say next. I explained how him dealing with this baby will lead everyone to an unhappy and toxic life. I don’t want him to feel obligated to do anything because that just makes things a lot more complicated.
“So, you weren’t even going to tell me this happened and I would have spent the rest of my life not knowing I had a child.” I sighed with a broken look on my face and realized that even though I thought I was protecting him I was hurting him then, my anger took over my rationality and I had to explain so I blurted out,
" It sounds selfish, but I was trying to preserve your blissful life with your girlfriend without the whole drama with me.”
His nostrils flared and he slightly yelled,” It’s not about you, me or my girlfriend, it’s about the kid and its happiness-,
“Her happiness “I interjected.
He pauses for a sec and then proceeded with, “so it’s a girl?”
“I think so, Mother’s intuition.” I stated nervously the slightly happy tone in his voice made it harder to want to leave. The silence was awkward but we were both speechless, all our emotions were out there and there was only one thing left to do ...decide. Suddenly I asked,” so what do you think we should do with her?” It was a simple question, If he suggested anything other than keeping her, He’d be nicely asked to get out.
He responded after a short pause with ,” I want to be a part of her life. I want her to know her father and I want to be there for her.” He sounded confident until I said ,” what about your girlfriend what happens when you tell her about these plans.” He paused realizing he didn’t think about that yet. He didn’t know how she would feel about this and what they were going to do especially because he just got her back. I reminded him that he could just make life easy and forget I ever existed and he glared again asking why I wanted to go through everything alone. I told him that he wouldn’t like the reason and would probably start to take things out of context.
he insisted on hearing the story so I told it:
I was about 16 years old when I met him I immediately couldn’t get him out of my head but there was one problem he was taken and I just knew she wouldn’t share. I would go down the same hallways just because he would be there and I knew that. I even have a picture of him that ‘fell’ off the wall. I was crazy back then I should’ve known it wasn’t worth it. It was partially the dreams of stalking and kidnapping that led me down this path. I would go down certain stairwells because I knew he was in proximity. I didn’t care how many stairs I had to walk up to just see his face as crazy as it sounds. I know this sounds creepy but I was an ambitious girl with a desire for someone I couldn’t have and it’s not like I was ever going to admit that to anyone. I knew that if I confronted him, my heart would end up shattered like a broken mirror.
My mind was corrupted and my Wattpad was only making it worse. The ideas inspired me to chase something that wasn’t meant for me and I knew that. I knew that this boy wasn’t worth it. He didn’t even know I existed
Sometimes delusions take over and a person becomes a weird type of crazy. I somehow thought that this person who I never talked to would be the perfect prince charming. Fantasy and daydreams fill the mind with hope and that can lead to a huge misinterpretation and fear of mental health. I really believed that I was crazy and I needed this guy to feel normal.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted but I knew it had something to do with this boy. I could sense whenever he was around me. when I looked into a crowd I can only see him, not my friends or anyone else just him.I would be nervous but comfortable whenever he showed up in places I just so happened to be at. It’s like there were two of me one wanted to hide while the other was enjoying it. I still don’t know if those times were fated or coincidental but I know that I wasted time on someone who just wasn’t worth it. I made everything far more complicated than they needed to be and that girl who used to obsess over random guys finally woke up. she wanted that fairy tale love that is shown in the Disney movies.
I used to create nicknames based on what he had on like if he had on red nikes I would secretly call him red nike boy but it depends. He was a year older than me so for a year I was feeling empty because he wasn’t there.
At the age of seventeen, I used Instagram as my outlet to see his pictures and check on his life. I questioned myself but it wasn’t enough to completely wake me up.
At twenty-one, I made a plan and it worked out but I never expected to come back to my senses. And I did, I was actually able to get over him, but only after a major fuck up, and now I’m screwed. Justin discovered that I lied about not being pregnant. Now, he’ll never leave me alone.
He dropped something, it was a ceramic bowl that had his name on it from my old days. I was about to clean up the pieces but he insisted on doing it. I look him in the eye and tell him that I am not fragile. He picks me up and puts me over his shoulder then explains that it was so easy to lift me and that I could easily be kidnapped. I start laughing because at that moment it was like we were friends and not the complicated strangers we actually were. I started to think that maybe I should stay and we could become just friends with a kid. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but knowing me I would be back to normal after he put me down.
