I HATE YOU

Sat alone in my office, I was staring hopelessly at a cherished picture of me and my father. The memory captured was on the day I officially became a police officer and he had never looked so proud of me as he did that day. Amongst the happiness I felt, a sadness began to creep in. Words could never describe how much I missed him, but thankfully for me, I couldn't wallow for to long as there was a knock on the door.

“Hey, Nova, Chief Neils wishes to see you in his office. And word of warning, he was not in the best of moods.”

Slumping back in my swivel chair, I examined the time on my watch. It had just past 8 am; meaning this could not be good news.

“Thanks for the heads up, Andrea.” I faked a smile at the passing officer and she left. I was hesitant to leave the desk; my gut was telling me something was off, and in all honesty, I was not sure just how much more bad news I could take.

Reluctantly, I shut my computer down and headed upstairs to his office which is situated on the top floor of the police station. Approaching the door, I realized I was about to get a telling-off, but I was silently praying I was not about to lose my job.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked boldly.

“Come in,” Chief Neils called out in a stern tone. Walking inside, I closed the door behind me a little apprehensive to turn around. When I finally did, I noticed that my officer file was already open on his desk.

“Sit the fuck down, Nova.” I did as instructed and braced myself for an earful. “Care to explain what happened while I was away?” Chief Neils sat down in his high-backed leather chair, arms folded, waiting patiently for my reply.

“Chief, I understand that I put the operation in jeopardy, but I went with my gut. I believed it was morally right in the circumstance's.” Telling the truth, I hoped he could see that I only had good intentions at heart. I would never have risked everything the way I had if I did not think that I was doing the right thing.

“At what point during your thirteen years as an agent have you been told to put a case in jeopardy because of a gut feeling? This isn’t even about that Nova; this is about you disobeying your orders. You were told to stand down multiple times.”

“I know,” I sighed, frustrated at the situation I was in. “I’m sorry.”

“Three years we have been building that case, and you fucking blew it!” I jumped as he slammed his fist onto the table in a rage. “I still cannot believe you have put me in this position. You, of all people, Nova.” Chief now stood from his desk, my file in hand, but instead of facing me, he turned around and looked out of the windows towards the busy street below. This six-foot man couldn't even look me in the eye as he rips away the last thing I had left in my life. “Nova, you know I have no other choice. No matter what you say, you still ignored your orders.”

“Chief, please, I beg you not to do this. I need this job. I have worked my arse off to get here. Half of the information on that case we wouldn’t even have if it wasn’t for me going that extra mile with the leads.” I begged him, feeling that my whole life was now hanging on the tiniest of threads. “Please, Neils; you know this is all I have left.”

“I wish I could turn a blind eye, Nova, really, I do, but its already too late. I have got someone else taking over the case and he has assured me he has a new lead on a guy who may have baited us.”

That is impossible.

I have investigated all potential leads; I found nothing.

“Who? Who has taken over the case?” I asked, bewildered.

“Agent Blake.”

“You’re not being serious?”

“He is an outstanding agent, as much as you despise each other. I would say, the second-best, under you. This is hard for me too, Nova. I still remember your dad bringing you into this very office when you were first born, and watching you grow into a beautiful young woman. We might be distant now, but we were awfully close at one point,” I stayed quiet, furious with myself that I was even in this situation. “Your dad, he will still be proud of the agent you were, and of everything you have achieved. Even though it has come to this, I still care about you.” He stopped talking and turned back around to face me.

This was really it.

I took my badge out from the inside of my blazer and pondered what it meant to leave the only thing I had left in my life behind.

“You want to know who told me to go with my gut? My dad. Your long-serving partner and best friend. No amount of official training could teach the stuff I learned from him, and now I am being punished for it. You even told me I learned from the best; those were your words when he died.” Tears sprung into my eyes.

“Nova, you have broke too many fucking rules. You have left me no other choice.”

“But I saved that little girl’s life!”

“It doesn’t matter who you fucking saved,” he snapped. “You put yourself and nine other agents at risk!”

“Bullshit! Each one of them, including you, is a cold-hearted bastard. I would make the same decision again if it meant that she lived.”

“And look where it has got you? With nothing, and no one.” Neils then shrugged his shoulders and casually slid my case file into the wastepaper bin like I was nothing; like my family name meant nothing to him after all these years.

I was seething with rage.

“Fuck you!” I yelled and stormed straight out of his office, slamming the door behind me. Stood outside the door was the one and the only person I loath to see every day; Thomas-fucking-Blake.

“Bad news?” Thomas asked, amusingly. I stepped to the side to pass him, but he took the step at the same time, stopping my path once again. Reluctantly, I met his eyes this time. Towering over me, Thomas stood proudly in his tailored dark blue suit, with his trademark colt forty-five gun sitting snug inside his jacket, and, as always, his hair combed back to perfection. I will be the first to admit that he is an exceptional agent; if not one of the best I know, but there is a mutual dislike between the two of us.

I hate him.

He hates me.

It is really that simple.

There are many reasons Thomas Blake has this effect on me, the main one being he thinks he is Mr Perfect and to the untrained eye that might be true; he might be tall, dark, and handsome, but I see right through him and his flashy suits. As far as I am aware, Thomas came up the ranks without a police background; unlike me, who followed my father’s footsteps, but other than that, I am not ashamed to say I know nothing more about him. All I do know is from the very second that Thomas arrived here at the station he has felt the need to hate on me. He purposely goes out of his way to annoy me, by playing silly jokes or belittling me at any given chance. Of course, I do not play any of his childish games, but right now, I am extremely displeased that he has just witnessed me lose my job.

“Move.” I demand, and then I saw his expression change. He had just noticed the stray tears that I was attempting to wipe away from my face.

“Shit. I didn’t think he would actually do it,” Thomas looked surprised. “I will be honest here with you, Nova. I am confused on why he has let you go; you're a good fucking cop. Honestly, I'm going to miss you being around; seeing you is the only thing I really look forward to,” Thomas then stepped closer, tilting my chin up, making sure I made eye contact with him before he spoke again. “You must be sad, with your dad being the hero agent and all. I bet he will be so proud of you fucking up his legacy so soon after his death.”

“Fuck you.”

I pushed him out of the way and continued to strut down the corridor as he called after me.

“All is fair in love and war baby!” he laughed. “Good luck with that 9-5. I heard Starbucks is taking on.” I ignored him at first, but as I reached the elevator, there was no way I was letting him have the last word, not this time.

I turn back and called after him. “Hey, Thomas? I forgot to mention, do you remember the dumb blonde you took home from the bar last month?” he thinks hard about my question.

“Which one?”

“The one who was the wrong shade of orange.”

“Okay, I remember. What about her?”

“Well, it turns out that she had a serious case of the clap. You should get your dick checked out before it falls off.”

“You what!?”

Flicking my hair over my shoulder, I walked inside the elevator and pressed the doors closed. That was the only positive thing I could take from this situation; that and the fact I do not have to hear him whistling the Etta James song ‘I just want to make love to you.’ Every. Single. Morning.

When the elevator open again, I took a deep breath and headed back to my desk to collect my belongings. I felt a little dazed, it didn’t quite feel real that in all the years I have been here, everything had amounted to just one cardboard box. I have never felt so disappointed in myself, and I was glad that I didn’t have an audience as I did the walk of shame out of the building for the last time.

Reaching my car, I pondered on where to go; home? Nope, I needed a drink, so I headed to the one and only place where I knew I could find some comfort at this time of day, the bar.

Forty-five minutes after I arrived, I was drunk, struggling to stand up, and had a serious case of hiccups. I had just hit that depression stage as I drank back the last of the white wine from the glass, wondering just how my life was in such a mess. Feeling myself getting upset, I decided it was best I headed home before I started crying on some randomers shoulder.

I messaged an Uber, headed to the loos to freshen up, but on my return to the bar, there was now someone in my seat. I stopped in my stride as I noticed that it was Thomas Blake.

“Just fucking great.” I sighed to myself and attempted to walk past quietly without being noticed, but the alcohol had other ideas. I stumbled straight into the pool table, knocking the cues onto the floor, and now the entire bar turned and looked in my direction.

“Damn, Nova. I’m guessing Starbucks rejected that CV?” Thomas called over.

“Fuck you, Blake.” I slurred, attempting to walk in a straight line but hopelessly failing. I could hear him and his friend chuckling to themselves behind me, but I took the higher ground and ignored them, continuing to head outside. The taxi had still not arrived, so I took my phone out of my bag to check where it was, but unbeknown to me, Thomas had followed me out.

“I hope you’re not leaving on my account,” he spoke as he leans casually against the wall in a pretentious way. “Please stay, I honestly don’t mind watching the entertainment making a fool of herself.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, Thomas, but I’m heading home.” Just as I was about to check where my uber driver was, he snatched the phone from my hands. “Don’t be a fucking dick, Thomas. Give me my phone back?”

“That is not very nice. Look, I understand you have had a rough day, so here, you can have it back.” Thomas now held out the phone for me to take, but when I went to snatch it, he moved his hand which resulted in me misjudging my step, and I fell to my knees in front of him. This angered me, and now it didn’t bother me about my phone; I had something way better for him to cast his eyes upon.

I stood back to my feet, pulled my handgun out from my handbag, and pointed it directly at Thomas’s temple. He froze instantly; seeing that he had pushed me way too far for one day. As we made eye contact, there was a few seconds of deafening silence between us, then suddenly, his eyes changed. I saw the rage momentarily take over him; his irises went from ocean blue, too jet black in less than a second; he was furious.

Grabbing my wrist in once swift move, he disarmed me. Taking my gun, he pinned me up against the stone wall that he was leaning against a few moments before. I tried to break free, but it was no good, Thomas was much stronger than me, and in my defence, I am heavily intoxicated. If I was sober this would have been a very different ending. I found that all that I could do at this point was giggle more the tighter his grip got.

“You silly bitch! Pulling a gun on me in the middle of the damn street! What is your grand plan now, Nova? No gun. No phone. Wasted on a Monday night. Look at you, already falling apart without daddy’s protection to keep you safe.” His words pierced through me, so much so, that I nearly begged him to stop.

A car turned the corner, distracting us both and thankfully defusing the situation. Thomas loosened his grip giving me the chance to step away and as I did, I was able to snatch my phone back, but my gun was a different story.

“I don’t think so, Miss Dean.” Thomas now stepped out of reach. “It is best that I keep hold of this for now. Especially as lawfully, you don't have the right to be armed anymore.” Casually brushing himself down, Thomas straightened his suit and made sure his hair was back in perfect place.

“Give it back.” I demanded.

“No fucking way. You will definitely shoot me this time. You think I am stupid?”

“I was never going to shoot you, Thomas. It is not even loaded. Look, it was my dad’s. He gave it to me. I have lost everything else, so please, just pass it over?”

I showed him a weakness, hoping in return he would give the gun back to me, but I was wrong to think he had any empathy in that ice-cold heart of his.

“I couldn’t care if Al Capone gave it to you, you’re not having it. Now be a good little girl and get in your taxi and fuck off. Look at the state of you. You are not even fit to be an agent after this little performance. Just think how disappointed your dad would actually be if he were here to see this. You are falling apart. I guess I should say congratulations as you have truly surpassed all my expectations of how weak you are.” I just stood there and absorbed what he just said to me and what struck home the most was I knew he did not lie. I was almost grateful for him telling me the truth. As the guy in the taxi pipped his horn to hurry me along, I made the decisive decision to go home, and for the first time in my life, I gave up; I had no fight left in me anymore.

“Thanks, Thomas. For being so honest with me.” I looked down to my hands, feeling a sense of grief wash over me. “I really do wish you luck with the case.”

Thomas stood there in confusion as I stubbled in the car defeated. As the driver set off, my phone vibrated in my hand, so I pull the notification bar down to see it was a message from my Uber driver saying that he was running late. I glanced up from my phone seeing my current driver’s reflection in the rear-view mirror. His eyes were going from the road, then back to me. Taking a quick look over to the empty passenger seat, and I saw the metal barrel of a gun just peeking out from under a newspaper.

This wasn't my driver.

How is it even possible for a grown adult to be kidnapped? and right in front of one of the best agents in the British police force.

I sat back in a panic, trying not to show any concern that I was now alone and unarmed, all thanks to Thomas-fucking-Blake.